Always Doing the Stupid Thing
by KingdomGirlsWing
Summary: He just did the stupidest thing he ever could. XanderLane. Response to Jinni's 'When I woke up' challenge on TTH.
1. Him

Title: Always Doing the Stupid Thing

Author: Commander Bubbles

Rated: PG-13, or T, if you're on with the stupid ratings

Pairing: Xander/Lane

Genre: BtVS/Gilmore Girls

Distribution: Twisting the Hellmouth, anywhere else just ask.

Disclaimer: Me no owning of Buffy nor Gilmore Girls. Wouldn't wanna own Gilmore Girls after the last couple of seasons…

A/N: He just did the stupidest thing he could ever do. Response to Jinni's 'When I Woke Up' challenge.

Feedback? Yes please!

(-)

You ever had one of those days when you just _know_ something bad is gonna come out and bite you in the ass? Yeah, I'm getting one of those feelings. Major-time. Really wiggy.

Now, I'm known for my stupidity, but I get the feeling that I've really done something incredibly _stupid_ at the moment. Stupider than leaving Anya at the altar. Stupider than never telling her how I felt until she was dead. Stupider than being in that stupid library all those years ago and overhearing Giles and Buffy talk about the wigginess over the death.

Stupider than taking on Darth-Willow alone with nothing but my stupid self, head on.

I have a really bad feeling about this. Really bad. And add a slayer-strength hangover on top of that. Ow. Either that or I went head-to-head with Glory, the Master, the First, Caleb, Judge and Mayor Wilkins and lost. Because I've got one fucking _large_ headache.

Ow.

However, since can currently feel my right eye in my socket, I do know that Caleb is in fact, still dead and buried in Sunnydale, sliced in two with the Buff-ster's scythe.

But I've still got this nagging feeling that I did something really stupid last night.

Of course, if we're dealing with myself, it's a given I did something stupid.

But that's besides the point.

I need to open my eye, see what I did.

See if I'm going to be sliced, diced, and julienned by Giles.

I still have a bad feeling about this though.

Alright Xan-man, gather up that famous courage you're known for and see what torture is going to be inflicted upon you today. You had no shortage of courage when you faced down Darth-Willow, or maybe that was just stupidity and luck. In any case, summon it up and open up your eye.

Alright. That wasn't so bad, now was it? Except…I'm not in my hotel room. Dammit, I told Willow and Buffy that getting drunk in Vegas was _not_ a good idea!

Alright, don't panic…why is my arm numb? As if there's something…oh dear lord tell me I didn't pull a Faith and have a one-night-stand _again_ with someone I don't know! Black hair…dear lord tell me it wasn't Faith herself! No…too short to be Faith. Oh, this is definitely not of the good. I'd imagine that if Giles were here he'd be clucking that tweedy british tongue of his and saying 'dear lord' or 'oh dear' and cleaning those dorky british glasses of his.

Wait.

I've already done that.

Great, next thing you know I'll be spouting 'bloody sodding wanker' like Spike and have a strange fondness for ancient books.

Help me.

Alright, no panicking, at least not until your…bed partner…is awake. It's bad form. Wait. Is that a…

Oh no.

Please GOD no.

Tell me that isn't a wedding band on my left ring finger.

Oh, things just got infinitely worse.

Oh, I did something incredibly stupid, even for me.

I told them going out drinking was a bad idea, dammit!

Well. Let's get a better look at her, shall we? Dear god, I don't even know her name.

She's short, that's for damn sure, she only barely comes up to my chest. Long black hair, not hard on the eyes. I've got better tact than to oogle her nakedness, but great googly-moogly; she's not bad in the body department. Looks vaguely Asian, and she's got a few colored streaks in her hair, but I can't tell if they're extensions or not.

All in all, I could do a lot worse.

But I couldn't be any stupider.

Especially not because there's a matching gold ring on her own left ring finger.

Holy. Frigging. Shit. I did get married last night.

And what's worse, I can't remember any of it. Not even her name.

Oh, Giles is going to tear me a new one.

That is, if Willow and Buffy don't first.

Dear god in heaven, if you're listening, answer my prayers and tell me why I let my two former best girls talk me into 'having a few drinks'. Because trust me, they're about to die. Horribly. Either that or I will. And so help me god, I will never drink another drop of alcohol as long as I live. Oh wait, I promised myself that when I was thirteen years old after another one of dad's drunken rages. That's right.

Curse you, Buffy and Willow, just, you know, not in the literal 'I put a curse/hex/spell' on you. Cuz that's, you know, not of the good. That would be a DarthWillow thing to do. Or a VampireWillow thing to do. Not a good, non-evil, Xander thing to do.

Oh, this is the stupidest thing I've ever done.

(-)

End

(-)


	2. Her

Title: Always Doing the Stupid Thing

Author: Commander Bubbles

Rated: PG-13, or T, if you're on with the stupid ratings

Pairing: Xander/Lane

Genre: BtVS/Gilmore Girls

Distribution: Twisting the Hellmouth, anywhere else just ask.

Disclaimer: Me no owning of Buffy nor Gilmore Girls. Wouldn't wanna own Gilmore Girls after the last couple of seasons…

A/N: He just did the stupidest thing he could ever do. Response to Jinni's 'When I Woke Up' challenge.

A/N2: Here's the lady's point of view…

Feedback? Yes please!

(-)

Oh my head hurts. Rory is now on my forever hate list for convincing me that going to Vegas for 'post-final stress relief' with her boozer friends. She does realize that while she may be twenty one, I'm not for another six months?

So what if she's been my one and only best friend since first grade? She's still going down.

So what if I'm still smarting over both my relationship break up and my band break up? It still doesn't justify going out and getting me drunk, especially considering the last time I got drunk I ended up making a phone call to my mother telling her I was in a band and against everything she stood for. At least she didn't kick me out until nearly a year after that.

And then, of course, my cell phone rings. I know it's mine because Rory's rings 'Lovefool' by the Cardigans, which I personally never got nor do I approve of. I mean, not only is it a travesty to all music, but it's teeny-bopper crap from 'Clueless' for god's sake!

But anyway, my cell phone rings, of course, the best song in the world, Led Zeppelin, 'Stairway to Heaven.' How any song could compare against that, I will never know. "Rory, get my phone, would you?" I mumble, burying my head further into my pillow. Wait. Just. One. Second.

That's not a pillow.

Oh I hope to god I just fell asleep on some fully clothed guy's chest…

Oh no.

He's not wearing a shirt. Nor am I, for that matter.

Oh god.

Oh my god.

I crack one eye open hesitantly, and stare straight into one brown one. Ohhhhh please no. No no no no no no no. Please tell me I didn't…please GOD tell me I didn't have a one-night-stand.

I squeak, and slam it shut again. There is a man in…this isn't even my bed. Oh god. I'm going to KILL Rory! My cell rings again.

Alright, Lane. Open your eyes, get out of bed, find your phone, and then plot to kill your best friend.

And when all that is over with, then you can deal with what you did last night.

I'm going to burn in hell…

No! Focus! Must…focus…on…problem…at…hand. Right then. Eyes. A blink. Good enough. Ow, head is hurting worse than if I were using my own head for a drum. Ohhhh it hurts worse than the first time I got drunk.

Alright. Brown eye. Again. My face is so red, I just know it. "Uhh…" I say, good god I probably sound like an idiot. I'm going to kill Rory.

I quickly roll away from…god I don't even remember his name, how trashed was I last night? Makeshift toga from sheet, cell phone should be in purse…I blink, trying to bring some form of moisture to my poor abused eyes. Sleeping in contacts should be illegal. But, then, well, I did only wear my glasses because…no, Kim, don't go there.

Purse, AHA! There you are, tricky thing. I stumble towards it, fully aware of the eyes on my back but not really caring. I'll bet my drumsticks it's Rory on that phone, and so help me god I'm going to skin her alive and use her bones for drumsticks ala Flinstones Movie comma The.

A slip of paper falls out of my purse as I pick it up. What's that, I don't remember…oh no. Oh god. I peek a glance at my left hand. OH MY GOD.

Oh. My. God.

Cue hyperventilating.

Oh god.

Oh god.

Oh. God.

This is bad. This is stupid. This is not something Lane Kim would do! This is something Britney Spears has done! I got drunk and got married! I pulled a Britney! Oh my god! My reputation as a rocker is completely trashed! I'm not even legal to drink yet, and I've been drunk twice, both with disastrous side effects! Not to mention at twenty years old, the most I want to think about is where I'm going to get a place to live and where I'm going to find another band!

And Stars Hollow! I'll be the town gossip! My mother will kill me! Miss Patty will drive me batty! Luke will probably yell at me! I will never hear the end of the mocking from Lorelai! Oh my god!

My cell phone rings again, and I grab it, flipping it over. "RORY!" I shout, clutching the sheets tighter to my body. "Lane, where are you? You never came back last night, I got worried!" Uh-huh, like you even noticed I was gone, you were too busy with Logan.

"Rory, I got married last night!" Alright, I'll admit, that's hysteria and blind panic creeping into my voice there towards the end. And through the whole sentence. And…oh god, I got married last night. "Do you even remember what happened the last time I got drunk? I called my mother, while drunk off my ass! Do you know I'm not even legal to drink yet! Not to mention how do I know I didn't call my mother last night and tell her I got drunk and got married, instead of joined a band?"

"Lane, you're MARRIED! What…how…why…"

"The what, is that I got married to a guy who's name I don't even remember, believe me I've got the certificate right here in my hand, I signed it and I'm assuming John Doe signed it, it's legally binding, I've got the ring on my finger. How, well, we are in Vegas. Why! YOU LET ME GET DRUNK, RORY!" Alright, so it's not entirely her fault, but I'm teetering precariously on the edge of losing it, and breaking down and sobbing.

This is bad. This is quite possibly the worst thing I've ever done. This is…this is just bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. "I pulled a Britney, for pete's sake! I got married, and guess what, I'm standing in some guy's hotel room with just a sheet keeping me from being as naked as the day I was born! I…oh god, what if I'm pregnant? Rory? I don't remember anything about last night, I'm not on birth control, I don't remember if we used a condom or not!"

"Lane, breath. Get dressed, come back to the hotel, and we'll settle all of this. Just remember, you need air to live, Kim. And it's highly unlikely you're pregnant, you were a virgin."

"I'm not a Kim anymore, according to the marriage license my last name is Harris. And it's possible to get pregnant your first time, Rory, you're living proof of that, need I remind you. And how am I supposed to breath, Rory? I got MARRIED last night! I could be pregnant!" Damn, and I had just gotten around to breathing…

Lane Harris. It doesn't sound too horrible, I guess. Under normal circumstances it'd probably sound very nice. But…god, I'm only twenty! "Oh god, the town. How are we going to tell the town? Lane Kim, the most wholesome girl in Stars Hollow with the exception of Rory Gilmore got drunk and got married. Miss Patty's going to have a field day with this." Oh god.

Pregnant. I could be pregnant. By some guy I met in a bar. Conceived on alcohol and a marriage license, and a wedding night that incidentally was my first time.

I don't even remember it. "I can't even remember my wedding night, Rory. I can't remember my wedding. My first time. My husband's name, for christ's sake." I whisper. It's about damn time realization hits me…

"Lane, honey, where are you?" I don't know, Rory. "Lane? Lane are you there? Lane!" Didn't you hear, Rory? I don't know. "LANE!" Why are you shouting at me, Rory?

Oh wow, darkness. It's pretty…

(-)

"Lane! Oh god, Lane!" Rory? We were just talking on the phone, why are you sounding so freaked out? And why is it all dark? "Laney-bug, open your eyes please." Oh. I slowly blink, staring into the bright blue eyes belonging to my best friend in the whole world. "Lane!" She exclaims, leaning in to hugging me. I belatedly notice that I'm propped up on something. And that I have clothes on.

"God, I had some freaky dream. I dreamt I got married, like I'd do something Britney did." I say, before taking in the notice of the ring. "Oh god. It wasn't a dream, was it. Rory, it wasn't a dream. It…oh god. Oh god. Rory. It wasn't a dream." Rory's instantly helping me into a sitting position, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. I realize belatedly that I'm crying. "Rory…I'm…oh god. I'm gonna hurl."

Rory's eyes widen, and she helps me off the bed, rushing me to the bathroom. This is a familiar scene, I'm hung over or still drunk and she holds my hair for me as I lose…whatever it was that I last ate.

I, Lane Kim, got drunk last night. And sometime after I lost all conscious thought, I got married, and lost my virginity. And I could be pregnant.

Lane Kim, you just did the stupidest thing you could have ever done in your whole life. What are you going to do next?

(-)

End

(-)


	3. Her best friend

Title: Always Doing the Stupid Thing

Author: Commander Bubbles

Rated: PG-13, or T, if you're on with the stupid ratings

Pairing: Xander/Lane

Genre: BtVS/Gilmore Girls

Distribution: Twisting the Hellmouth, anywhere else just ask.

Disclaimer: Me no owning of Buffy nor Gilmore Girls. Wouldn't wanna own Gilmore Girls after the last couple of seasons…

A/N: He just did the stupidest thing he could ever do. Response to Jinni's 'When I Woke Up' challenge.

A/N2: Just what was Rory thinking, letting Lane go off on her own drunk?

Feedback? Yes please!

(-)

Jesus it's too early in the morning. And too bright. Waaaay too bright. "Lane, close the blinds…" I moan. My head hurts…I'm too damn hung over for much. I need a beef burrito. And Mac and cheese. Oh, and about a five-ton vat of coffee. Sounds about right.

No response. Alright, I can accept that, Lane's harder to wake up than I am when we're nowhere in vicinity of Mrs. Kim. I gather the courage to crack my eye open, and notice that Lane isn't in her bed.

Lane isn't in her bed.

Oh no.

I lost Lane.

Mrs. Kim is going to kill me.

She was…oh shit, she was drunk last night. As was I…

Oh no…

Bad things happen when Lane is drunk…we may have to deal with another drunken phone call to Mrs. Kim…

Oh dear freakin' bloody hell.

This is bad.

Alright, coherent thought starting…now. Right. So. What happened last night…Logan and I fought, which is nothing new. Lane and I fought, surprising but not completely impossible. Lane getting drunk, Lane leaving, me stumbling into bed around four…Lane still hadn't come back. Or if she had, I didn't see her. And she isn't here now.

Alright, no need for panic. One of the guys probably just found her, and she's probably safe with them. Either that or she left the room to go get coffee. First order of business, clothing.

Right. Alright, white tank top, red track pants, and a ponytail. Presentable enough for a hangover.

Okay, on to Logan's room first. He drew the short stick and got to room with Finn, and Finn is the most likely choice to find Lane. Of course they're probably still asleep, but Lane comes first.

Knocking, knocking is good. Alright, not responding to knocking, let's try pounding. Still nothing. Alright, desperate times call for desperate measures. Spare key they gave me in the event they lost theirs.

Sure enough, they're still asleep. And no Lane. Panic…no, Gilmore! Stop it! No panicking until she's not with Colin and she's not answering her cell phone! Alright, think, Gilmore, think! Colin's gotta be awake now, he usually stays somewhat sober to keep a drunken Finn and a drunken Logan in line! Plus he gets up at the crack of dawn anyway.

"Colin! Colin, it's Rory, get up!" Way to show you're not panicking, Gilmore…

Oh thank god, Colin. "Reporter girl, it's eight in the morning and I've got a hangover. What do you want?" Sarcasm becomes you, Rothschild.

"Have you seen Lane? She never came back to our room last night, and I can't find her. She wasn't with Finn and Logan, and I was wondering if she was with you?" Tinge of hysteria there, Rory. Keep it out of your voice until you absolutely cannot find Lane.

"Not since last night, Rory. And, by the way, why would Logan or Finn have Lane?" No Lane? Ohhh…no….this is not good. Horrible. And getting worse.

"I don't know, I was covering all bases. Alright, uhh, can you help me look for her? She can't have gotten too far…or, at least, I hope she hasn't." I lost Lane. I'm such a bad friend. How could I have let her go off last night? She could have been raped! Killed! Kidnapped! Or worse, she could have made another call to her mother!

"Well call her cell phone first. If she doesn't answer, then we can officially panic. However, we can't legally report in a missing persons until she's been gone for a full day." How in the world do you know this, Colin? "We lost Finn once. He didn't come home, and it turns out he'd spent the night in a jail cell and we didn't answer our cell phones when he called for bail." Oh.

Ok. Cell phone. Right.

No answer. Shit.

"Can we panic, now Colin?"

"Yes Reporter Girl, I believe we can. I'll wake the beasts, you start searching. Keep trying her cell phone, maybe she's just asleep and can't hear it." Good idea.

Lane, answer! Lane! I've lost you! Help me! This isn't good!

Still no answer. Oh. Holy. Crap.

"RORY!" Oh how I have missed your voice, Lane!

"Lane where are you! You never came back last night, I got worried!" Lane oh Lane, I'll never lose you again I swear!

"Rory, I got married last night!" WHAT! I swear, I nearly drop my phone in shock. That's so…not-Lane! "Do you even remember what happened the last time I got drunk? I called my mother, while drunk off my ass! Do you know I'm not even legal to drink yet! Not to mention how do I know I didn't call my mother last night and tell her I got drunk and got married, instead of joined a band?" Ranting skills are alright.

"Lane, you're MARRIED? What…how…why…" I'm honestly gobsmacked. Lane's married? I thought…oh wow. Of all the people…oh, shit. Wait a second. "The what, is that I got married to a guy who's name I don't even remember, believe me I've got the certificate right here in my hand, I signed it and I'm assuming John Doe signed it, it's legally binding, I've got the ring on my finger. How, well, we are in Vegas. Why! YOU LET ME GET DRUNK, RORY!"

I'm such a bad friend! "I pulled a Britney, for pete's sake! I got married, and guess what, I'm standing in some guy's hotel room with just a sheet keeping me from being as naked as the day I was born! I…oh god, what if I'm pregnant? Rory? I don't remember anything about last night, I'm not on birth control, I don't remember if we used a condom or not!"

Oh. No. It just got worse. "Lane, breath. Get dressed, come back to the hotel, and we'll settle all of this. Just remember, you need air to breath, Kim. And it's highly unlikely that you're pregnant, you were a virgin." It's not impossible. I'm living proof of that.

"I'm not a Kim anymore, according to the marriage license my last name is Harris. And it's possible to get pregnant your first time, Rory, you're living proof of that, need I remind you. And how am I supposed to breath, Rory? I got MARRIED last night! I could be pregnant!" Lane Harris? Doesn't sound too bad…

"Oh god, the town. How are we going to tell the town! Lane Kim, the most wholesome girl in Stars Hollow with the exception of Rory Gilmore got drunk and married. Oh god, Miss Patty's going to have a field day with this." Too true. But…she's right. The town is going to freak.

I can't believe this. My best friend, who's been there for me through my affair with Dean, through my separation from my mother…who I really miss right about now. Lane's married. And she could be pregnant. And Kim's don't believe in divorce.

"I can't even remember my wedding night, Rory. I can't remember my wedding. My first time. My husband's name, for christ's sake." Oh god…your first time's supposed to be special, memorable. She can't remember it. It's a big deal for her. Especially since that whole thing with He-who-shall-not-be-named and sex before marriage.

"Lane? Honey? Where are you?" No answer. "Lane? Lane are you there? Lane!" Answer me, sweetheart, please! "LANE!" answer, dammit!

None. Nothing. Just a dull thud that sounds like she dropped her phone.

Oh. God.

Lane. She could be… "Hello?" Who the…I guess that's the husband. "Hello? Anybody there?" Not a bad sounding voice. A little scratchy, but that's probably from waking up.

"Lane! Is she alright? Where is she?" I demand to know where my best friend is! It's my right as a best friend to know where she is at all times!

"She fainted. We're at the Holiday Inn, room 502. She's fine, she just blacked out." Oh thank god...

"Thank you so much. I'll be right there." Holiday Inn's on the outskirts of town, it won't take long to get there.

"Okay. I'll, uh, make sure she's alright. Besides, I've got a few calls of my own to make. I'm Xander, by the way." Xander? Short for Alexander, maybe? Oh well, who cares, he's got Lane!

"Thanks so much Xander."

"Anytime." He sounds like a nice guy. Lane could have definitely done worse than him, if he's really what he was like on the phone. But still, I won't be satisfied until I can see her with my own two eyes and make sure she's okay.

"Rory? Have you found Lane?" I turn at Logan's voice, snapping my phone shut.

"Yeah. She…ah, she got married. God, I'm such a bad friend! I let my best friend get drunk, then I lose her, and then I let her get married! I'm such a bad friend!" I exclaim, rushing past my boyfriend and up the stairs towards Lane and I's hotel room. I'm fairly sure she'll thank me for bringing clothes.

"You're not a bad friend, Rory. People do stupid things when they're drunk, that's all. And it's probably more Lane's fault than yours." Oh he did not just say that…

"WHAT! Don't you DARE try and pin this on her! Lane's the most considerate, smartest, best person in the whole world, do NOT try to put all the blame on her! If anything, you're part of the blame! If you hadn't had started that fight last night, I wouldn't have gotten into a fight with Lane, and she wouldn't have gotten lost!" Why am I placing blame! It was nobody's fault!

But still…he had no right to place the blame solely on Lane. It wasn't anyone's fault, it was just a mistake! But he just had to…god, why am I even dating this asshole! I need to go find Lane. When she wakes up, she's going to be hysterical.

(-)

"Hi, I'm Rory, Lane's friend. Are you Xander?" I ask. Yeah, Lane could have most definitely done worse in the men department. He's cute, with boyish looks and dark brown hair. He's got an eyepatch over one eye, and I can't help but wonder what happened to make him lose it, but his good one's a deep brown.

All around first impression? Definite possibilities. "Yeah. I wish we could've met under better circumstances, but…anyway, Lane's on the bed, she's still covered in the sheet, don't worry." And a gentleman? Sheesh, he's nicer than Dean!

"Good, good. I brought clothing. And coffee for all." Five for Lane, one for Xander, and two for me. I have a feeling Lane's going to need about a vat of Coffee just to get her thinking straight.

"Right, then, well, ah, I've got to go get killed by my best friends, so I'll leave you two alone for a moment or two. So, yeah." I nod, and flash him a small smile. Under better circumstances, I could definitely see the two of them dating. With kids, even.

Hell, they might actually be getting that kid…

Xander leaves, and I set about the task of getting clothing on my best friend. I brought over sweats, I figured she could use the downtime.

I pull myself up onto the bed, and cradle Lane's head in my lap, stroking her hair. I swear, I'm never leaving you alone again.

(-)

Owari

(-)


	4. His Best Friends

Title: Always Doing the Stupid Thing

Author: Commander Bubbles

Rated: PG-13, or T, if you're on with the stupid ratings

Pairing: Xander/Lane

Genre: BtVS/Gilmore Girls

Distribution: Twisting the Hellmouth, , anywhere else just ask.

Disclaimer: Me no owning of Buffy nor Gilmore Girls. Wouldn't wanna own Gilmore Girls after the last couple of seasons…

A/N: He just did the stupidest thing he could ever do. Response to Jinni's 'When I Woke Up' challenge.

A/N2: And what were Willow and Buffy doing while Xander went off and got himself hitched?

Feedback? Yes please!

(-)

In the hotel room containing a red-haired Jewish wiccan, and a blonde-haired Slayer, a cell phone rang. Not just any cell phone, but one that was specifically magicked to let out a shrill beeping whenever Xander called. At the moment, however, both sleeping girls wanted nothing more than to break it against the wall. Unfortunately, that was impossible, as it was also magicked to be indestructible.

Useful, but annoying.

Finally, the blonde groaned and reached one slender arm out from under the covers to grasp the phone and turn it on. "Xander, what the hell do you want?" She barked, although it was lacking in menace due to the fact that she'd been dead asleep just minutes before. Then the blonde sat bolt upright in bed. "YOU DID WHAT?" She shrieked, eyes wide and clutching the phone tightly.

Again, it was a very good thing the phone was indestructible.

The redhead, now awake, looked over at her friend with interest. "Buffy, what did Xander do this time and is it life-threatening?" She asked, rubbing her eyes. The other girl seethed, tensing. "Xander, this is a whole new level of stupidity on your part. I can't believe you actually, GOD! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" She yelled. Then she turned to her friend. "Guess what, our Xander-shaped friend is now a married Xander-shaped friend." She snarked.

Now, let it be said that both Buffy and Willow loved Xander very, very, much. In fact, they would gladly kill for him. But at the moment, they were finding it very, very, hard not to kill him instead. Willow was out of bed and pacing within minutes, and the air crackled dangerously. Buffy was still clutching the phone and seething, eyes closed.

"Xander, you have done some doozies of some stupid things, ranging from not fleeing from the whole Hellmouth-y thing when we first met and sleeping with Faith and then nearly getting yourself killed disabling a bomb. But this, this takes the cake. I never thought you'd do something this idiotic, this stupid!" Buffy ranted, clearly upset. Xander's reply was obviously not favorable, as she finally threw the phone against the wall.

Willow raised an eyebrow, before going over to pick it up. "Xander! What were you THINKING? NO! Xander! Wait! HEY!" She cried, before pulling the phone away and closing it with a snap. "He hung up on me!" She exclaimed, obviously put-out.

Finally, Buffy closed her eyes and fell back into the bed. "I can't believe it. Xander…he's Xander. Goofball. Loveable. Loyal. Fleed from marrying Anya, and now he's tied the knot. To a girl he met in a bar. My god, he not only had a one-night stand, but he got a drunken marriage!" She exclaimed.

"By the goddess. Maybe we were a bit harsh, though? I mean, he was an idiot, yeah, sure, but I he's still our friend, right? He is still our Xander-shaped friend, right? I mean, just 'cuz he's no longer single doesn't make him changed, right?" Willow babbled, and the pacing started anew. Buffy let out a groan, and looked over at the clock. "I mean, he will still be our Xander-shaped friend, right? I really don't wanna lose my Xander-shaped friend."

"Well. I'm sure that charming conversation we had is damaging that. But you're right. He's our Xander-shaped friend and I don't wanna lose that either. He may have done something stupid, but haven't we all? Well, maybe except you. But I have! Lots of times! Well, maybe not as many as Xander, but still a lot." Buffy had apparently caught the 'Willow' disease of babbling incessantly.

Willow nodded with her. "And I've done stupid things too! And if we want to keep our Xander-shaped friend, we need to find him a-a-and tell him and apologize and beg for mercy and forgiveness! Because he's OUR Xander-shaped friend, and the only thing that's changed is that we have to share him now with whoever he married. Wait, who _did_ he marry, anyway?"

"I don't know; I didn't get that far. Too busy yelling. And throwing. The throwing was a big part in that. And the yelling was a bigger part. And then there was the hanging up. Not so much good. But we hafta get dressed and find him! Because we can't lose our Xander-shaped friend!" Buffy agreed, swinging her legs out of the side of the bed and standing up. Willow stopped pacing, and headed for her suitcase, getting clothing for the day.

And so the Witch and the Slayer set about their plot to win back the love of their Xander-shaped best friend.

God save Xander.

(-)

Willow and Buffy were stumped, as to where their Xander-shaped friend was. He wasn't in his hotel room, and he wasn't answering his cell. So they were stuck calling around at the hotels in the area, looking for a Xander Harris. So far, they had no luck.

Buffy was sitting on the bed with her cell phone to her ear, calling around, and Willow was pacing and babbling about what could have happened. Then, Buffy jumped up suddenly, shutting off her phone with a snap. "Bingo! He's at the Holiday Inn just outside of town, room 502. Let's go win back our friend!" She said, bouncing to her feet. Willow followed, and the two supernatural warriors left their hotel room, in search of their Xander-shaped friend in order to grovel and/or beg for mercy and their friendship back. Oh, and to meet this mysterious new wife, but that can come after the groveling and begging.

As the two approached the car, they worried. "What if he doesn't talk to us? What if we screwed things up with Xander forever? I don't think I could handle it!" Willow exclaimed. Buffy tried to reassure her best friend. "Oh no, what if he hates us! He probably does, we were horrible on the phone!" the readhead continued, chewing on her bottom lip.

Buffy looked over at the witch. "Don't worry, Wills! We'll apologize, we'll be his slaves forever, it'll be fine! We've been through worse than this, we've gone into the hell together, and you can't bond much more than that! He's helped us save the world countless times, when he could have just said screw this I'm going." Buffy said, trying to be cheerful but not quite making it.

Willow caught onto the hesitation in her friend's voice, and pounced on it. "He hates us!" she wailed, looking downcast and shameful. "He'll never speak to us again, we've lost our Xander-shaped friend forever!" She continued. Buffy frowned a little, and turned into the parking lot of the Holiday Inn.

The two best friends resolutely walked into the hotel, and up to room five-oh-two. "Remember Wills, we knock on the door, and before he even speaks we start apologizing and begging for forgiveness and mercy. We haven't lost our Xander-shaped friend until he confirms it himself." Buffy said, before knocking on the door. Willow clutched at Buffy's arm, and chewed her bottom lip.

The door opened, and the two launched into a flurry of movement. "XANDER! We're so so so so so so so sorry please forgive us we'll be your slaves forever don't hate us!" The two exclaimed, before stopping. Instead of Xander at the door, it was a tall, slim, brunette woman with stunning blue eyes. "Are you his wife?" Buffy asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

The brunette beauty smiled, and shook her head. "No, I'm her best friend. Are you looking for Xander?" She guessed, amusement playing on her features. The two girls nodded in unison. The other girl just smiled, and backed away from the door, opening it wider. "C'mon in. He went to go get donuts and make a few phone calls." She said.

Willow and Buffy walked into the room, and immediately noticed the crying girl on the bed. "Oh my goddess!" Willow gasped, eyes wide. The brunette walked towards her. "I'm Rory Gilmore, and this is my best friend Lane Kim. Or, I guess it's Lane Harris now." She introduced, moving to sit next to the girl on the bed. Buffy and Willow were seconds behind her.

"I'm Buffy Summers, and this is Willow Rosenberg. We're Xander's best friends. We kinda got into a fight this morning, and so we're over here trying to ask forgiveness, and be his slaves if need be." Buffy explained, smiling. Rory tried to smile, and wrapped an arm around Lane's shoulders.

Then, the two women got their first look at their Xander-shaped friend's new wife. She was short, with black hair. They couldn't see her face, as it was buried in Rory's shoulder, but from what they could see she was pretty. Everyone turned as the hotel door opened again, revealing the one-eyed man of the hour.

Buffy and Willow were off the bed in a second, running to hug their Xander-shaped friend. "Xander we're so so so so so so so sorry! We didn't mean to yell at you, we were just surprised and jealous that we have to share our Xander, and we love you and we don't want you to hate us please forgive us and please don't be mad at us we're so so so sorry and we'll be your slaves forever please don't stop being our Xander-shaped friend!" They cried, lifting two sets of pleading green eyes on their mutual best friend.

Xander stumbled back at the attack for a moment, before he set the box of donuts on the TV and wrapping his arms around the two girls. "Why in the world would you ever think I hated you?" He asked, bewildered. Then he shook his head. He was fairly certain he'd never understand the female race, and he was entirely sure he never wanted to.

Buffy and Willow grinned brightly, all traces of tears gone from their face as they both reached up on their tip-toes to kiss his cheek, but not quite making it. "A little help here." They mumbled, and Xander chuckled and leaned his head down. The two girls gleefully pecked his cheek, and then turned to Rory.

"Alright! Now that that's over with, let's, ah, get to know our new sister-in-law!" Buffy said, grinning. Xander raised an eyebrow, before rolling his eye. "Buffster, hows about we _don't_ traumatize my wife?" He asked, looking at the blonde slayer with his 'obey me or else' look. Willow and Buffy pouted, before sitting back down on the bed.

By now Lane had moved her face from Rory's shoulder to stare at the two older women in something akin to awe. These two were her sister-in-laws? They were insane! "Uh…hi." She murmured, eyes wide. Then she seemed to snap herself to attention. After all, she'd grown up with the Gilmores. And Lorelai Gilmore was as crazy as they came.

"So, where are you from?" Willow asked, leaning towards the petite Asian girl. "Stars Hollow, Connecticut."

"Far from home, then. You're Asian?"

"Korean. In fact, so Korean, that my mother will kill me for not marrying a nice, Korean, boy that she'd picked out and approved of, much less even _met_, and she'll flay me alive for not even telling her I was getting married. Or, maybe I did tell her I was married, I might have made another drunken phone call to her. I have a habit of doing that." Buffy, Willow, and Xander exchanged a glance. It seemed that the newest member of the Harris family had a habit of babbling, much like Willow.

"So, um, what're you guys going to do about the whole marriage thing? Divorce, try and stick it out, annulment?" Xander shoots Willow a glare, and Lane shakes her head rapidly. "No?" Willow pressed, looking at the petite girl who had managed to tie down Xander.

"That would be correct. There are no divorces in the Kim family. None whatsoever. Nobody, I repeat, nobody has ever gotten divorced in the whole history of Kims. I had one cousin that practically murdered her husband, and they're still married, even if there is a restraining order involved. Besides, there's a chance I could be pregnant." Lane said, wincing.

Buffy and Willow's eyebrows shot to their hairline, and Xander looked about ready to pass out. Rory chewed on her bottom lip. Finally, Buffy spoke up. "Hey Rory, how about you, Willow, and I get a cup of coffee and get to know each other? I know a place that makes _excellent_ coffee." She said, rising to her feet. Rory looked between the short blonde and her best friend, before nodding and getting up as well. Willow followed suit.

"Yeah. I could use a cup of coffee or ten. Hey Lane, I'll meet you back at the hotel room later, okay?" Rory asked, looking back at her best friend. Lane shot her a betrayed and trapped look, before it hardened into resolution. "Alright. See you." Was all she said, shifting her glance to her husband. Willow flashed Lane a smile, and the three best friends of the married couple exited the hotel room.

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Owari

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End file.
